Overwhelmedness
Stream of consciousness, just to get it out of my brain, where all of this is incessantly spinning:
Crazy business at work with a new building and planning for new service models and wonderful colleagues leaving us making a reorganization possible/likely and revamping my own department and meetings everywhere and making people mad with changes while making other people happy rewrite job descriptions data data data data oops and volunteered for chapters got to write those soon calendar it
Penultimate semester of doctoral coursework which is hybrid by whichh they mean mostly online and I much prefer hard meeting times since that's a good deadline and one case study one policy brief one minor 10-15 pager and one major 30 pager all due before April 21 and then three more classes this summer and comping in July and then all I have to do is the dissertation it'll be like a vacation I swear to me I promise just do this get it done
Damned arthritis autoimmune disease bullshit that requires I get [at least] 8 hours of sleep per night don't stress it makes things worse slept poorly due to knee pain looking like an odd duck at meetings holding my head to the side to crack my neck don't sleep that way you know better now you have disclocated ribs you idiot and no time to hit the physical therapist fingers swelling from too much time on the computer hobbling across campus with cane because there things to be done and meetings to be attended and I really don't care to be sick or an invalid and who has time for this suck it up and MOVE
And oh I am tired in my bones of it all and I want a house and I want to not do anything but come home from work and garden or maybe learn the electric guitar with my claw-hands or set up a studio so I can oil paint and do poet-y things and make beautiful things and words and sit in silence with my dog and watch the boats and there needs to be more of me and oh Lord there's no time and we're young but we're dying anyway and Shara I miss you and where is all the time?